Not all problems can be solved

Was it hot or was it cold? It’s all relative. One person’s sweet is another person’s sour.

Throw in some odd weather patterns and one doesn’t know what to think. In Northern California, they always say to “dress in layers.” And “they” are always right — or mostly.

“We would like a couple of sauvignon blancs,” said the couple sitting at the bar together at the latest hour, both in different layers.

Our latest hour isn’t the latest hour possible for a bar, or even the latest hour for a local restaurant, but it is what it is. And whether it’s the last customer or the first, they should get the same level of service.

“We have two sauvignon blancs and a Sancerre,” I said, which was clearly not the answer that they were looking for.

“Which one is good?” asked the woman.

“We like to think that they are all good,” I responded.

And we do. Most restaurants don’t really put things on the menu that they don’t think are good. But not all good things are good to all people.

Next time you’re in a bar, just look at all the alcohol stacked up on the back bar. There’s usually at least 80. And behind each one of those products is a team that thinks that their product is good enough to not only market but to make, sell and distribute, none of which is easy. Sometimes that product is their entire life. So, who am I to say whether it’s good or not.

I might not like it, but that’s an entirely different conversation.

“Sancerre is terrible,” said the man.

But not everyone shares my belief. And in customer service, belief is a strong motivator, maybe even the strongest.

It’s why so much noise is made about additives in tequila while no noise at all is made about the fact that those very same additives are in almost every other liquor product.

But I digress.

I described the two remaining sauvignon blancs as best as I could. And I also said a silent prayer for all the producers of Sancerre out there because it’s widely considered to be one of the great wonders of the wine world.

But when in Rome …

The two of them looked at me blankly after I described the wine. It wasn’t that they didn’t understand or that I was too complicated in my exposition. They wanted something else.

And I also knew exactly what that was.

“Would you like to taste them both?” I asked.

Who can say no to that?

They both nodded vigorously. And so, I poured them a taste of the two different wines.

When I first started in the restaurant business, I had a fabulous older server advise me that you should never tell a customer that one thing is your favorite. Always give them a choice. That way you’re not obligated to them after the decision. At first, I didn’t understand. Isn’t honesty the best policy, I thought?
Thirty-five years later, I can tell you two things. One: Honesty is not always the best policy. And two: That waiter was absolutely right.

There’s no scorn more derisive than the person who took your suggestion and then hated it. People aren’t there to listen to your opinions; they are there to validate their own. And you should never get that mixed up. Besides, if you recommend something and they don’t like it, you’re clearly obligated to take it back, and you’ll likely receive a reduction in gratuity, because, after all, why did you recommend it in the first place?

The couple tried the two different wines.

“This one is better,” said the woman, indicating her choice.

“No, I think this one is,” replied the man.

And you’d think that would be the end of that. Each person could simply get what they wanted, and then we could all move on with our lives.

Only we couldn’t.

“I don’t know why you think that one is better,” replied the woman. “This one is obviously the best.”

“Really,” replied the man. “I think that one is awful.”

The conversation went on and on in that vein for quite a while. But by then I had retreated to the other end of the bar.

There’s an old saying, “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be together?” Unfortunately, some choose the former over the latter.

But what do I know? Because in that instant I was already at the other end of the bar.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

• Good bartenders are all about solutions, not problems.

• “We often confuse what we wish for with what is,” once wrote English author Neil Gaiman.

• Sometimes the only thing an arguing couple can agree on is that they both hate their bartender. And trust me, you don’t want to be there when that happens.

• You might be the center of your own universe, but you’re certainly not the center of the universe. No one is.