If your expectations aren’t being met, try going somewhere else

“What do you mean you don’t have any (insert ethnicity) beer?” I had asked.

“This is a (insert ethnicity) restaurant, right?”

There are certain expectations when one goes out to eat. Can you imagine Italian food without Italian wine? Or French food without French wine? Or Japanese food without sake or Japanese beer? The same can be said of Chinese, Thai, Argentinian or Indian food. The beverages are really part of the experience. What’s next? No California cabernet sauvignon at a steakhouse?

The bartender did his best to offer other alternatives, none of which were very satisfying. He then tried explaining, and in the restaurant business, once you have to explain something, you’ve already lost. I know, because in my long career I have certainly had to do it.

It certainly wasn’t his fault, but sometimes service people are put in awkward positions by their management.

“Educate your guests,” a manager once told me, which resulted in two things: one, me getting a different job, and two, that place closing.

I ordered a very disappointing glass of wine instead.

“Can we see a menu?” my companion asked.

“We don’t serve food at the bar,” replied the bartender.

Seven minutes later, we were at the restaurant across the street.

“You do have (insert ethnicity) beer here, right?” I asked.

“Of course,” replied the server.

And that began a beautiful friendship. That server then guided us through a wonderful three-course meal.

“Appetizers for you, uh, two?” asked the server, touching my forearm ever so slightly.

My companion noticed immediately.

“I think our server is flirting with you,” he said as the server walked away.

“That’s going to make this boys night out a little more interesting,” I replied.

“Besides, where’s the harm?” I added.

Chicken wings were ordered. Boys night indeed. Now not Buffalo wings, mind you, but rather chicken wings in line with this restaurant’s cuisine.

“Cute socks,” said my companion when the server returned.

Was that a blush? Maybe. Whatever it was, a free glass of wine materialized.

As a restaurant employee, I have always found it most refreshing when people come to play. Eating out is supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to be work. And work can manifest itself as effort, like trying to figure out a wine list. Or a chore, like having to ask what three or four obscure ingredients are. Or sometimes even actual work, like cooking your own food in a pot or on a grill.

I once argued with an English professor of mine about Virginia Woolf’s famous quote: “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” My professor insisted that Woolf meant fine dining, with all of the associated accoutrements. My position was the opposite. By “dining” she meant that it had to be an overall great experience regardless of the minutia.

Our server split our salad personally at the table because the kitchen wouldn’t — and gave me another touch and this time a wink.

Now I was sure I was being flirted with. Flirting is very much like a dance. You need to know when to lead and when to follow. It’s also playful and fun, or at least it should be. And oftentimes it’s completely innocent, a way of simultaneously maintaining distance yet without being distant.

“Let me get you some more sauce,” said our server. “That’s not nearly enough.”

Then, more sauce appeared. The table next to us also started to notice.

“Where’s our extra sauce?” you could almost hear it from the looks on their faces.

But that’s the thing. We were open to having fun, and they weren’t. And that makes all the difference. In the restaurant business, you often get what you give, especially from the customer’s side. Not always, but where’s the harm in trying?

“Do you like chocolate?” our server asked.

“I do,” I said.

My companion didn’t even get a chance to answer.

And soon thereafter a piece of chocolate cake appeared.

“I heard it was someone’s birthday,” said the person who delivered the cake.

Our server walked by and winked. We eventually paid our bill and stood up to leave.

“Thanks a lot, you guys,” said our server.

“You were great,” said my companion. “You really made our night.”

“Thank you,” replied our server.

“You guys make sure and come back and see me,” he added.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

• If you don’t plan on following through, does it really matter who flirts with you? Asking for a friend.

• I received a “C” on my Virginia Woolf English assignment back in college. Just saying.

• “God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool,” once opined Victor Hugo.

• If you don’t like what you’re getting here, there’s always somewhere else, and sometimes it’s just across the street.