Some people thrive on chaos

It had been a hectic day, running from one errand to the next. The last thing I needed was the stress of making myself some lunch.

My first column ever was in a college newspaper and was about how to live on a college student’s budget. One of the things I suggested was eating out for lunch instead of for dinner. In a weird restaurant anomaly, lunch is just less expensive than dinner, and often for the exact same item! Why that cheeseburger is $2 less at noon I’ll never know, but it is. And that’s all that matters.

The sign was well placed. I drove right by it and then turned around. Who says print advertising doesn’t work? And before you answer for yourself, recognize that you’re reading this right now.

The sign said it was open from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., and it was 11:15 a.m. When the universe gives you a sign — literally — it’s best to heed that sign.

I opened the front screen door and walked in.

“We open in 15 minutes,” said the young man in front of the counter.

I thought about questioning that, but, drawing on my years of restaurant work, I just closed the door and waited the extra 15 minutes. If people don’t want to wait on you, it’s best to not try and make them.

Two other cars pulled in, and then half an hour after the posted opening hour, we all entered en masse. It doesn’t matter if it’s a hipster bar, coffee shop or an upscale restaurant; there’s always bound to be someone waiting for them to open. And it’s always better to have people waiting than to have no one interested at all.

Inside it was the cook behind the counter, a few tables and one and then two servers, when the second one of them arrived late for work. There are universalities in the restaurant business, and one of them is that someone is always late. Always.

They say creativity exists on the edge of chaos, and that’s mostly true. It does. And do you know what else exists on the edge of chaos? More chaos.

And that was the lunch rush at this little greasy spoon. I often wonder why the hamburger place near my house has a $40,000 point-of-sale system. It’s just hamburgers. Remember the old “SNL” skit: cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, no Coke, Pepsi? Well, no computer system anywhere is going to make that easier. I have worked in at least 30 different establishments in the last 30 years. All of them had computer systems.

“You can do the inventory right from the computer,” the point-of-sale salesperson always says.

The funny thing is that no one ever does.

The orders piled up and the arguments commenced. Clearly the fry cook was also the owner, or at least the manager. Whatever he was, he was the voice of authority.

“Don’t write that down on the ticket,” he positively yelled at the young man from behind the counter. “Just tell me!”

Clarity of communication is the height of leadership.

“Don’t tell me that,” he yelled at the late-arriving server just a minute later. “You have to write that down on the ticket.”

All of which sort of explained the sign out front.

Sitting at that chaotic little counter was a lesson in the restaurant experience. If you’ve ever watched “Bar Rescue” or “Restaurant: Impossible” on TV, they weren’t wrong. The problems in the restaurant business are all pretty similar. The issue with the restaurant business is not the things; it’s the people. It’s a chaotic, high-stress environment — not always because it is, but rather because that is the way some people want it to be.

And that was the way it was with this place.

Could they have moved the garnishes where they were easier to reach?

Could they have put the soda machine next to the ice bin?

Could they have just done counter service with numbers?

Could they have preassembled cutlery setups?

Sure, sure, sure and sure. There were a million things that they could do.

But they weren’t going to.

I have worked in places like that before. Nobody is trying to make anything better. And in fact, they often cling to things that make things worse. Because chaos is not the result, it’s the goal. And when chaos is the goal, people can’t fix anything because they will be too busy just trying to stay afloat.

Sitting at that counter was anything but relaxing. The odd thing: That specialized sandwich was delicious — so delicious that I will probably go back, in spite of the drama.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

• “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist,” once said Pablo Picasso.

• Some professions lend themselves to chaotic lifestyles; artists, cooks and musicians can all relate. And yes, so can bartenders.

• There’s no finger-pointing on a sinking ship.

• Codependency is often what makes the hospitality industry go around. Just ask Robert Irvine, Jon Taffer, Anthony Bourdain or Gordon Ramsay. In fact, one could argue that it was the codependency that made all of them rich.