Off to the races

 There was no fanfare when the four of them arrived. Which felt strange because two of them were wearing crowns. Literally. Well, actually figuratively, because literally they were wearing tiaras, which aren’t exactly crowns, but still, royalty is royalty whether you say “M’ Lady” or “Your Grace.” And we, the little people, have to just keep doing what we’re doing.

Four of them and two crowns, which meant that the little people numbered exactly the royalty. Not the way it usually works, but we take the cards we’re dealt and bet on the horses that are running. It was clearly a bachelorette party, and bachelorette parties can be a boon, or a bust, in the beverage service industry. And this was a double bride bachelorette party to boot!

The two-crown thing certainly was noted by those of us in the midst of the horse racing cycle known as the Triple Crown: The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness, and the Belmont Stakes. All have cocktails associated with them, and in descending order of popularity they are the Mint Julep, the Black-Eyed Susan, and the Belmont Jewel.

Funny thing about the Triple Crown is that the general population only seems to really care about the first race. The second race seems only important if the winner of the first race is entered, and by the third race if no horse has won the first two, then no one cares. And that’s why the following order of a Black-Eyed Susan caught me off guard. Because the winner of the Derby didn’t run in the Preakness this year.

“Really?” I asked.

“Really,” said the blonde princess bride. “Two,” added her equally blonde attendant nodding in agreement, and coming in around from the outside.

And with that, they were off. Bachelorette Party’s always attract attention. And the attention they attract is, oddly enough, the attention of men. The misadventures of such have spawned at least two movies, both appropriately titled “Bridesmaids.” Did you ever notice that the title of the Bachelor Party misadventure movie was “The Hangover” and barely involved the groom? Well, observation is what I do. And make drinks, I do that too.

“Shots for the ladies,” said some guy unknown to either the bachelorettes, or to me. Proving that proved points are always welcome.

“‘You’re barking up the wrong tree,” said one of the two princess brides.

“Sure!” said the brunette attendant of the brunette princess bride.

The good money was now on the Barker.

“Can we get these ladies a bottle of champagne?” asked another man, appearing with a credit card, seemingly out of nowhere.

A quick quieter discussion led to a bottle of prosecco, because well, champagne is expensive. And now the good money, or at least some of it, was on Credit Card guy.

Shots followed or preceded, depending upon which was set down first, but rest easy because all were consumed, and then reordered.

So now it was the Barker and Credit Card guy, neck and neck, with the two attendants. Brides might be the focus of the wedding, but Bridesmaids are the focus of the party.

“You ladies from around here?” asked Credit Card guy of the blonde attendant.

Some completely indecipherable answer followed. And that now made Credit Card guy the sure bet making his move.

The Barker was not to be outflanked.

“Do you come here often?” he asked the brunette attendant.

And instead of answering, she simply leaned in and kissed him on the mouth.

Now it was Barker way out in front, Credit Card guy huffing and puffing on the inside, and the two princess-brides presiding.

Credit Card guy saw his opening and leaned in, only to be rebuffed by Blonde Attendant, not directly, but by an inopportune turning of her head, leading to a mouthful of gelled and teased hair for him.

But as they say in horse racing, it’s not the strongest start, but the strongest finish that matters.

“Dom Perignon!” said CC guy, ordering the most expensive champagne on our list (in fact the most expensive wine that we carry) and clearly taking the lead. In the time it took for me to get it from the cellar, the two tiaras had moved to a table, and the two attendants were now jockeying for position with the two men.

The two attendants making out with the two strange men didn’t really surprise me so much – you get used to such surprises in the bar business- but when the two brides-to-be kissed each other, well, that came as quite a shock.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

-I have never heard a groom-to-be say “my” wedding, they always say “our” wedding. Brides-to-be on the other hand…

-I have made hundreds of Mint Juleps in my long career, only about a dozen Blacke Eyed Susans and not one Belmont Jewel. Just saying.

-“Every stride tells a story, and every finish line writes a new chapter,” is another horse racing saying, and boy, is it ever true.

-Two brides at a wedding, a bridal shower, or a bachelorette party, usually only works out well if they are marrying each other.

-The Belmont Stakes this year is June 6. I for one will be watching. Because the odds of winning a Double Crown are always better than winning a triple one. Twice as good in fact.