You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat others

It was clearly a first date. The boots she wore were so new you could still smell the leather. And I had seen her around enough to know that a suede skirt wasn’t exactly her everyday wear. But it wasn’t her outfit that cinched things. It was his. Gone were the khaki cargo shorts, T-shirt and baseball cap. In fact, it was the first time I had ever seen him without a cap.

They hugged that hug that simply screamed first date. Handshakes might suffice for meetings in general, but when meeting again, privately and personally, they rarely do. And if handshakes do happen, it doesn’t bode well.

They asked for menus, which seemed performative, since I already knew both of their regular drinks. But being a regular at a bar where there’s a first date happening never seems to sit well with either person. I call it a professional hazard.

Sometimes people recognize me outside of the bar. They don’t know where they know me from, but they know they know me, and sometimes it’s a little awkward — at least for them. For me, it’s just another day at the coffee shop.

Separate menus led to separate orders. Much is made in film and TV about men ordering for the woman they’re with. Here’s a little hint: It’s not a good idea, right up there with throwing drinks in people’s faces. They are both tropes, but in actual practice, both are bad ideas.

They asked for water, separately. And they both needed individual questions answered about their drinks. Both sat patiently as I answered both questions. I had to tell both of them the specials separately, which is how it happens with newly dating people. Two separate entities occupying the same space at the same time. Connection comes later.

I knew that she was a server at a breakfast restaurant. She had waited on me many times. She also knew her way around a menu. There was a substitution and an upcharge, neither of which fazed her. He, on the other hand, seemed surprised.

“There are options?” he asked. “Like what?”

“Exactly,” I said. “What are you looking for?”

“I don’t know; what do you suggest for options?” he asked.

It was kind of like asking a bartender, “What can you make with gin?” It’s a question that I have been asked; the answer is that almost any mixed drink can be made with gin. And the same went for this question.

He slicked over his gelled hair. And she leaned in to help.

“Just see if there’s anything else on the menu that you like,” she said.

Good servers, like good bartenders, are problem solvers, not problem creators.

“Usually it’s starch for starch, or green vegetable for green vegetable,” she said, actually coming pretty close to our policy. “If it’s a vegetable for starch, there’s usually an extra charge.”

He took her lead and substituted a vegetable for his mashed potatoes. He still got the steak, but now with a vegetable. She stuck with a salad. Not all first dates go this way, but an awful lot of them do. Funny how food can be an indicator of compatibility.

The drink selection took a minute or two longer. I knew both of their regular drinks, but I had to act like I didn’t. And so did they. He asked questions about the wines, and she about the cocktails. And then both ordered exactly what they always ordered. The first time should feel like the first time for both people. Nobody wants to frequent the place, or the activity, that you and your ex frequented. People are funny that way.

Eventually it was time to leave for whatever was the second activity on their first date.

“Let me get this,” he said gallantly, picking up the check.

He opened the check wallet and put in cash for the bill, plus a 20-dollar bill and a 10-dollar bill, 30%. And then closed the wallet. He got up, and she reached over to open the wallet.

“I just wanted to make sure he left a good tip,” she said, winking at me. “That way I know if he’s a good guy or not.”

A sound policy.

Except that when she turned to leave, he opened up the check wallet and took out the 20-dollar bill.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

• Bad people often know what good people do and often copy them at first.

• “Never poop where you eat” is not just a metaphor; it’s a maxim for life.

• “Life will let you get away with something for a while, but sooner or later, you will pay the price,” once opined author and TV personality Iyanla Vanzant.

• “A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person,” according to Dave Barry’s “Waiter Rule.”

• To which I will add the Bartender Rule: If someone is willing enough to screw their bartender, it’s just a matter of time until they screw you, too.